Tuesday, December 31, 1968

Since my last chance to write in this record, a great many things have happened, a few of which should be noted here. My first night in Petrópolis my companion noticed I had some trouble with ingrown toenails and called the President. Not realizing the seriousness of that, I had ignored checking them before. We returned to Rio the next day and that Friday afternoon, December 20, had an operation. My right toenail was completely removed.

For the next few days I was in bed in the mission home, where the Johnsons were taking real good care of me. While there I reviewed my discussions, read Talmage's Jesus the Christ again, read nearly half of President McKay's Man May Know for Himself, typed onto stencil the entire new mission handbook, and visited the hospital every other day for bandage changes. Finally, on the evening of December 28, I returned to Petrópolis, and Elder Slade was grateful to finally have a companion again. I still have a bandage and must wear sandals.

Christmas Day I shared the morning with the Johnsons while they opened their presents. Later all the missionaries from near Rio attended the festivities: a meal with American food, a program, and community singing of carols, with yours truly at the piano. It was a great day.

Thursday, December 26, 1968

Monday I also started a letter to my brother Jerry. I added the post-script last evening.

A year has quickly slipped by and Christmastime is already here again. I suppose its onward rush continuing, time will so quickly bring by the next two holiday seasons that my mission will be only history and I will be back reunited with loved ones—friends and family—in my beloved homeland. I guess it is but natural to feel a bit nostalgic (and homesick even) at this season of the year—and so I do. Were I kept constantly busy, which I'm not right now because of my foot, there would be no time to be homesick. But though such now is my unlucky lot, I will shortly recover.

The Johnson family is a great collection of wonderful people, and I am now blessed to share in their company this week. President Johnson is certainly a man of God. His wife is an angel, a perfect compliment to her husband, and a special mother. Their children, Daran (age 8), Jill (age 13), and Craig (age 17 next month), live here in Brazil. A married son lives in Provo.

It's hard to know how to really say thanks to someone who is deserving of a great deal of thanks. But to you I say: thanks for your support and your love and your concern and all you mean to me. Your financial support, even as it is difficult, particularly as it is difficult, demonstrates that you are indeed a disciple of Christ. If ever things become impossible, just let me know, because I can share this with you (although I'm sure he doesn't care to have it broadcast all over): Bob Russell has offered me his help at any time it might become necessary. He too has dedicated to the Lord his all—including his time, talents, energies, resources, and even life—to the building of the kingdom. This is why my home and my heart will be ever open to him. I wish only that you knew Bob as I have been privileged to know him.

Karen's package was exciting. Inside were various other wrapped packages, labeled "Christmas 1968," "Christmas 1969," "Birthday 1969," "Birthday 1970." Another said "Anytime." It was from her family—the book Man May Know for Himself by President McKay. Also included were about five types of homemade candy. The Christmas present was a homemade calendar for the coming year with appropriate and inspirational pictures, scriptures, and quotations on each page. That a lot of work was required in preparation is evident. What did Karen receive from all of you?

Have you seen the November Improvement Era? I did just this week, and it is fantabulous. If you have read it, study it again. I was particularly impressed and instructed with the article wherein was asked the question, "When did you last receive a personal revelation?" Is not that what the gospel is all about? As I see it, living the commandments is only to make us worthy to receive the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. Then we begin living the meat of the gospel as the Spirit, leading us by revelation, leads us from grace to grace and from perfection to perfection until that perfect day when we come into the Savior's own presence. How glorious will be that day!

The dinner hour is nearly here and I must prepare now for that. My special Christmas treat has been sharing the spirit and life of the Savior's early ministry by reading again Talmage's Jesus the Christ. Please send me a detailed account of life in Nampa, especially of Christmas at our house, and of growth in the Nampa Fifth Ward from time to time. I need letters—oh, it makes being a missionary so much easier, especially letters uplifting and inspiring and instructing. Sometimes letters are too much like news broadcasts (I am guilty of this sometimes) and need to be a little more from the heart. Real communication is from one soul to another, by the power of the Spirit. I hope my sharing of my mission will be edifying and uplifting to you.

Remember me in your prayers, as I do all of you in mine. English is an inadequate language, and so it is hard to express in words the swellings of a deeply grateful heart. Let this be an attempt: you are the greatest brother anyone could want to ask for. Thanks for everything. May the Lord be with you and His peace be upon you.

Post–Christmas postscript: Since I didn't quite mail this yet, I will add a few more thoughts here. Tonight is the evening of Christmas Day 1968, which is now only happy memory for all practical purposes. The day has been long and tiring and warm and rewarding. I am grateful for all that Christmas really means—for life itself, for love, for the gospel, for a wonderful family, for supporting friends, for the Savior and His life and all He has done for us.

Early this morning I was up to share Christmas with the Johnson family, having ever as much fun watching their enjoyment without receiving any gifts myself.

Later all the elders in the mission within close distance to headquarters (about 80 percent of the missionaries) were here for the festivities of the day. Sister Johnson prepared a fantastic meal, with ham and turkey and root beer and baked potatoes and Jell-o—all of which are not found elsewhere in Brazil. In the afternoon was a program, followed by community singing of carols with yours truly at the keyboard. We all had a great time, even me still hopping around on a sore foot. I guess right now mine is the most popular toe in the entire mission.

As things look now, I hope to return to Petrópolis on Monday to finally begin work again—that is, if the toes will cooperate.

Please tell Gene and Cheryl and Ray and Sheryl hello for me, wishing them all a happy new year. Tell them I will try to write them whenever a chance pops up.

Monday, December 23, 1968

I wrote the following letter to my family in Idaho:

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you. I was planning on sending a distinctive Brazilian card or something to you for the holidays, but due to the happenings of the past week that became impossible. I am writing this from a bed in the mission home here in Rio—more of that later, now I will tell you of more exciting things.

The three hours at the airport, saying good-bye to everybody, seemed more like ten minutes. Especially when it was time to leave, everything was a hectic rush. When we reached Denver we were late and thought we had missed connections, but the other plane was likewise late. There wasn't any snow in Denver. When we finally did leave we were an hour behind time. Almost all the way across the country a cloud covering prevented seeing anything below. As we approached New York's Kennedy International we were in a 40-minute holding pattern waiting for a landing spot. The skies were literally thick as flies with other craft above and below us in holding patterns. That indicates how much air traffic there is in New York. Anyway, our frequent circles over the city offered a fantastic view of the billions of lights sparkling below, a breath-taking view indeed.

By the time we finally got off the plane it was 6:50, leaving only 40 minutes before our next flight was to leave! We had no passports yet and had no idea where the VARIG airlines building was (it turned out to be about 1½ miles from the United building where we deplaned). The only thing that saved us was that Elder [David] Babbel's family was there to see him, and his father had called a limousine to rush us over to VARIG. Well, making a long story short, we just barely made the plane, but our luggage didn't. That made all kinds of fun going through customs in Brazil.

We landed in Rio de Janeiro Wednesday morning at 7:30 and President and Sister Hal Johnson and some of the elders on the mission staff were there to meet us. Most of that day was spent being fingerprinted, photographed, visiting the embassy, and such. President Johnson interviewed each of us and then as a group we had an orientation meeting with him and Sister Johnson.

We were supposed to have left for our assignments that night but couldn’t because we had no luggage. Thursday morning we spent six hours and a half getting our baggage through customs at the airport. After all that, we returned to the mission office, where President Johnson told us where we were going. Two of us went to a city in the interior near Brasília, five went north 1,700 miles to Recife and João Pessoa, and one went to Petrópolis—a city in the mountains about 1½ hours from Rio by bus (probably 50 or 60 miles), the only cool place in the whole north mission. The president of the republic has a summer residence there. This is the city I will be working in first. My companion and I are the only two elders there. The branch has about 140 members. I am told Petrópolis was once mostly German, but now nobody speaks German there.

Thursday night I took a bus all alone to Petrópolis. After spending the night there, my companion and I returned to Rio the next day. Friday afternoon I had my right big toe operated on and the nail completely removed. The other foot is all right. Since then I have been just laying around here in the mission office leading an easy life—listening to Brazilian radio (which is mostly American music, sung in English), being fed grand meals three times a day, getting plenty of rest, and getting lots of studying done. I just finished reading all of Talmage's Jesus the Christ, which I started only Saturday. There is no need to worry about anything because I am in good hands.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. That is so hard to believe, partly I suppose because we are here sweltering in the heat of summer. The Christmas tree here in the mission office is just like Jerry’s miniature tree that looks like a pine and a fern all in one, except that it is about six feet tall. They grow naturally here. Christmas Day all the missionaries that are at all close to the mission office will be here for a big dinner and such. Hopefully by the day following Christmas I will be able to return to Petrópolis.

Elder Slade, my companion from Las Vegas, is branch president and district leader. He was transferred to Petrópolis one week before I arrived. The branch was in such a mess that the entire first week he spent in getting it in order and had no time for missionary work. By the time he leaves for home February 7 he is supposed to have trained local membership to run the branch and a junior companion, me, to be able to be a senior companion if necessary (and it just might be).

Well, I should close now. Have a most prosperous new year and, though it will be late, merry Christmas also. Remember me in your prayers.

Thursday, December 19, 1968

At the end of the first two days in the mission field itself, I find myself tired from all the hectic and exciting things going on. Only late this evening have I met my first companion.

On the nine-hour flight from New York, we found about three hours of sleep. Much of the other time was spent in eating. President and Sister Hal Johnson and two elders working in the mission office were there at the airport to meet us at 7:30 Wednesday morning. Stepping off the plane was like walking into a greenhouse. Since our luggage did not have time to be transferred in New York that caused great confusion coming through customs and delayed our assignments a day. After six hours at the airport this morning, we finally received our luggage, following which President Johnson assigned our areas of labor.

Petrópolis, roughly an hour and a half north of Rio by bus, is to be my first home for the next few months. Elder Dean Slade from Las Vegas is my companion. He is returning home on February 7. He has been in Petrópolis only one week more than me. Two other elders are working here also.

Tuesday, December 17, 1968

The Language Training Mission steps into the background now—the stage is set, the audience in their places, as eight young elders walk onto the stage of activity. Yesterday was Provo, tomorrow Brazil. And what of today? Farewells (a two years' supply) and traveling.

First, let me record a few facts upon which to reconstruct later necessary memories of this day. Traveling to the Brazilian North Mission with me are Elder David Perry of Boise (my assigned traveling companion); Elder David Babbel of Arlington, Virginia; Elder Kent Gale of Salt Lake City and everywhere; Elder Stephen Riedlinger; Elder Mike Morrell of Ogden; Elder Turner of Moses Lake, Washington; and Elder Charles Van Wagoner of Heber City, Utah. I happen to be the group leader.

Our United Airlines flight left Salt Lake City at 10:50 (40 minutes behind schedule). In Denver, where Elder Perry visited with his girl, we changed flights. We left just after 1:00 (an hour behind schedule). New York's Kennedy International was out next stop. We landed at 6:50 p.m. Since we were behind schedule and our next flight was to leave at 7:30 and we did not even know where VARIG Airlines was located and had no passports, we were somewhat worried. But Elder Babbel's father, who was there with his family, had everything under control for us and had ordered a limousine to whisk us over to the international terminal where VARIG was located. We had held in a flight pattern over New York for some 40 minutes, having a fantastic view of the lights of the city. We headed for Brazil on a crowded VARIG flight.

Saying good-be is always difficult for me, but today was easier than real good-byes before. I am not sure why—perhaps anticipation crowded out sadness, perhaps so many people (about 25) there to say good-bye softened the hurts of leaving, perhaps repeated good-byes remove some of the sting, perhaps the realization of how quickly two years will slip by helps. But by any standard, it was great to spend three hours in the airport with Karen and my family, but it was likewise good to be off.

Evaluating the Language Training Mission, having limited space and little time, is difficult. But simply I would say: it was 11 weeks of continual growth, but which could have seen more growth. Marília did not become a great district, although it could have, but it was not a bad one. We were initially told that the LTM would bring out a person's worst and best qualities. I think that is valid. The LTM is an excellent place to learn to become meek, submissive, humble, and obedient—or an excellent place to learn to kick against the pricks. I saw both happen in varying degrees. Of the three objectives of the LTM (learn the mission language, learn the six discussions, and become a disciple of Christ), the ability to be a disciple of Christ in truth and in deed is obviously most important.

Sunday, December 1, 1968

December is already here. Where last month went I do not know. So much has passed by here in the Language Training Mission and in my life that I can never hope to catch up with myself in this journal. It is no idle statement to say that I have never been so busy or studied so hard in my entire life. But except for occasional rough spots the time runs enjoyable.

About the past two weeks mais ou menos have seen trends that could be significant—for our total district and for myself as an individual missionary—if the full potential can be followed through. We have been struggling with our purposes here, district unity, living the language, and such coisas. More particularly, I myself have struggled with capturing the full vision of a mission call. Visiting the Manti Temple last Saturday helped somewhat. And then Wednesday Karen sent me a copy of a letter Eileen received from Elder [Jeff] Boswell in Samoa. He certainly has the vision of his call, and that helped greatly. Last night I spent over an hour with Elder Hill speaking about many valuable things. Thanksgiving Day was a fantastic experience also in relation to all this. Beginning the final two weeks I think I am on a better plane.

Thanksgiving Day in the LTM started with an 8:00 zone meeting. We studied off and on until 10:30 before we went over to the Richards PE building to play basketball for several hours. An hour of the time I played with Brian Rabe, Dave Hart, Mark Smith, and Joe Cannon's younger brother. Like old home week. At 2:00 I called home and talked for 45 minutes, speaking to Mom, Dad, Jerry, Jackie, Dale, Kay, Gene, Cheryl, Ray, Sheryl, and Aunt Stella. At 4:00 the district retired to the house of the brother-in-law of Elder Welch for Thanksgiving dinner. Karen had spoken with Elder Welch and his wife the day before, and they were impressed with Karen. She sent a salad for our dinner. We had a great time together. That evening we saw West Side Story, which to me demonstrated the power of love, even outside the gospel framework. How much greater is the pure love of Christ! After the show we returned to the Welches for pumpkin pie, made by Elder Burr's girl. And then the day was over.

Thursday, November 28, 1968

I sent the following Thanksgiving letter to my family:

The wise author of Ecclesiastes has written: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Today is the season of thanksgiving, a moment when we step out of our regular busy-a-day lives to consider those things in life that are really important, a time when we draw a little closer to our Father in Heaven because there is the realization that all we have, all we are, all we can be is because of Him, the giver of all.

Now you are gathered as a family. A good family is one of the choicest blessings heaven can offer. Take a few moments to consider that. And if we want we make those relationships eternal. That is what I want, and I challenge all of you to help work for it. To Dad and Mother we owe our love, our devotion, our obedience. They have given us life and love and a home, and that is a debt we can never fully repay.

In thinking of Thanksgiving I made a list of those 100 things I am most grateful for. It is not my intent to bore you with them all, but I will share a few. I am humbled at the realization of how richly I have been blessed. I do not understand why, for I am certainly blessed beyond any worthiness of mine, but I thank God for it. The windows of heaven have been opened in my life. Chiefly is the gospel, the Savior’s tremendous sacrifice for each of us, the great love God has us-ward, testimonies, the Spirit’s influence in our lives, and the growth possible in the priesthood and within the Church. And then there is freedom, families, parents, friends, children, health, the beauties of nature, talents and abilities, opportunities to learn and to serve. All these things are what life is all about, really about.

The Prophet has spoken of these things. He said: "With all my soul, I plead with members of the Church and with people everywhere, to think more about the gospel; more about the developing of the spirit within; to devote more time to the real things in life, and less time to those things which will perish" (Conference Report, Apr. 1968, 144).

Enough of this epistle. It is hoped in this small way my spirit can participate with you this day, though I be absent in body. I hope this makes nobody homesick, for me we are too busy to ever worry about that. I leave with you all my love, my gratitude for all your support, and the knowledge I have that Christ lives and loves us and that this is His work and glory in which we are engaged. In His holy name I offer these few thoughts and ask His blessing upon all of you.

Sunday, November 17, 1968

The schedule here in the Language Training Mission and the great amount of walking we do every day dictates that for now I make entries in this journal only on weekends. I would prefer catching something of each day at the end of each day. That is impossible without breaking the rule about being in bed by 10:30. And so I will only look at highlights and overviews, hoping to remember the most important.

Thursday companions were changed in the district. The previous alignment was thus:

Elder Richard Kletting and Elder Steve Dickson
Elder Rolf Koecher and Elder Kent Gale
Elder Dean Cleverly and Elder Craig Rencher
Elder Dave Babbel and Elder John Sandberg
Elder Pat Redding and Elder David Perry

Now the Marília District looks like this:

Elders Kletting and Koecher
Elders Cleverly and Babbel
Elders Gale and Perry
Elders Redding and Dickson
Elders Rencher and Sandberg

My new companion, Elder Babbel, I knew last year at school. He lived in the same ward and same residence hall. I am certain already that we will get along beautifully as companions.

Yesterday morning I passed off with an aprovado the first discussion. Finishing that was a great relief. Elder Redding passed it off Friday and Elder Dickson passed it off just after I did. At this point we are the only ones who have passed it off. Yesterday we started the second.

Snow has fallen much of the weekend, although little remains on the ground. It is beautiful. Snow reminds me of children and Christmas. And it signifies purity.

Yesterday afternoon I went with Elder Redding to a Laundromat to wash clothes. We returned just in time to go to the old Women's Gym, where Marília won its first basketball game in the zone tournament (the first game we have played). Then we ate in the Wilkinson Center. Elder Babbel and I saw Captain Newman, M.D. and got back to the motel about 10:00.

A two-hour discussion on the gospel with Elders Kletting, Koecher, and Dickson followed. We spoke of personal revelation, faith, answered prayers, miracles, and such. When we finally went to bed, Elder Babbel and I talked somewhat longer. He has a great knowledge of the gospel. But this morning we woke up 45 minutes late. Oops! That will have to be watched.

Brother Terry Warner spoke with me one day at lunch. That was great. President Wilkins spoke in the leadership meeting Wednesday.

Since last Monday I have "lived my language," or "spoken total," every single day. In my whole stay here the longest I had ever gone before was two days. I decided why not a week. Now that I see how my ability to communicate is increasing, I think I may as well continue for the rest of my stay here, maybe even eventually including the hours outside the official day. I also feel I need to set an example as the Live Your Language chairman for the district. Yesterday was the first time the entire district has totally lived the program, but then the day was only 3½ hours long officially. They were to be congratulated on that. A few days I have been completely alone in my efforts.

This week we learned that we are leaving a week earlier than planned for Brazil because of the transportation problems Christmas Eve would create. Either December 17 or 18 is our departure date. That means only 11 weeks here and probably only making it through five discussions. But I am glad we are leaving earlier because I am anxious to arrive in Brazil.

Besides usual weekend letters to Karen and home, I wrote President Hal Johnson of the Brazilian North Mission and sent some passport pictures he had requested.

In sacrament meeting tonight I played the piano again.

Monday, November 11, 1968

Set precisely in the middle of our stay here in the Language Training Mission, the mission conference this past weekend was a great spiritual feast. Six weeks are behind us now with only six remaining until Christmas and Brazil. The great conference sessions make a good bridge between what is already past and what still lies ahead. Charity, or the pure love of Christ, was the conference theme. Moroni 7:47 was the foundation scripture: "But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

In Saturday morning's opening session President Yarn, head of one of the campus stakes, and Robert K. Thomas, academic vice-president of BYU, addressed us. President Yarn developed the theme "Who is Christ that I should love Him?" My eyes filled with tears and the Spirit seemed very near as he closed in testimony enumerating all that Christ has done for us. In light of these things there are really no valid reasons why we should not love Him. Brother Thomas spoke of the different kinds of love and emphasized what charity was about.

The evening session Saturday was a talent show, which we did not attend.

Yesterday's morning session featured mission leaders on the love of companions, the love of leaders, and the love in general required of missionaries. The zone counselors over Zones I and V both spoke. President Taylor of the mission presidency then concluded.

Elder Richard L. Evans of the Council of the Twelve Apostles participated in the concluding evening session of the great conference. He is at any time a wonderful source of inspiration. In his talk he ranged over a great variety of subjects, tying them together finally with his witness of the work. All that he spoke of related to our callings. Some observations he shared: find a way or make one; he can who thinks he can; the way to be nothing is to do nothing; love is a verb not a sentence. I am not sure I understood his meaning on that one.

Presidents Harris and Wilkins of the mission presidency both spoke—and Sister Wilkins also. All in all, it was a great two days of conference.

Sunday, November 10, 1968

Somewhere I blinked my eyes and two weeks slipped by. Now that we have moved into second level work and memorizing the discussions, time is really valuable. We must put at least 35 hours in a day, or so it seems. The weeks clip by at an unbelievable rate: by the time it is Friday I am still thinking in terms of Tuesday. Weekends are necessary to catch up with myself: little details like letter writing, laundry, scripture study, journal entries, and such as that.

Halloween visited the missionaries and the Great Pumpkin, sponsored by Karen, blessed our district. On the eve before Halloween a plate of homemade donuts were brought, and the district had a feast. Elder Burr had a trick-or-treat surprise for us Halloween night in the form of sacks of candy.

Beginning second level has introduced several changes into our schedules. Retention every evening is now held at BY High rather than in Allen Hall. Afternoon proselyting class is now conducted in Portuguese. We are given various situations or objections we might run into and discuss how to resolve them. Last weekend Elder Rencher and I spent many hours preparing our flannel board figures, plastic coating them, cutting and trimming, putting on tape, marking them.

The United States paused Tuesday to elect new leaders. Richard M. Nixon, the Republican candidate, will be the next president of the United States. Hubert Humphrey trailed uncomfortably close in popular votes, even leading at various times. George Wallace captured a significant percentage of the vote (I was told 14 percent) but managed only to carry three southern states. In Utah by margins of two-to-one liquor-by-the-drink was defeated, and Calvin Rampton, Democrat, was reelected governor. I was greatly pleased with the election since Nixon was my man.

Fast and testimony meeting last Sunday lasted two hours and 15 minutes. Elder Ostergar, who was conducting the meeting, could not turn it off. A great number of novos [new missionaries] spoke in what Portuguese they knew.

I have been called to be the Live Your Language chairman for the Marília District. Essentially it involves promoting the new speak total program, keeping a record of the district members who do speak total, and representing the district on the zone committee. The speak five program has been replaced by the Live Your Language (or viva sua lingua) program, which means total effort during the official day, 7:30 to 10:00 on weekdays. Either an elder speaks all the way or none. Individuals are recognized in zone meeting daily for the previous day’s efforts. Individuals and districts are recognized weekly in the leadership meetings.

Last Saturday night following the zone talent show, our district retired to the home of Elder Burr's girl friend for a pizza fest. It was financed by the cinco centavos we had been charging in class every time English was spoken. Elder Burr showed slides taken on his mission. Elder and Sister Welch attended also. We had pizza and root beer floats. Because of their great love and help for us, we presented both professors a little gift.

Elder Rencher and I saw Taming of the Shrew yesterday. Costuming, acting, and photography were all fantastic. And who can beat Shakespeare for excellency in script? I had seen the show once before. About the same time we were watching the show, Utah State was slaughtering BYU on the football field.

After living a week in the Lund Motel we were finally moved to the Rambler Motel on 5th West at 8th North. It is so much nicer and even closer to Allen Hall and the Wilkinson Center cafeteria. Before we had to ride the city bus every morning to breakfast, which was becoming expensive.

The district is now about half way through the first discussion. I have never studied so hard for so long in my life. Friday afternoon I presented all I knew to Elder Burr in 40 minutes, terribly slow. To pass all of it off it can only be 55 minutes. We learn generally about 50 to 60 lines a day and pass off that new section the next morning. If we make it within the time limit and mistake limit, we receive a blue mark on our chart. That is all both Elder Rencher and I have thus far.

Dr. Chauncey Riddle, my philosophy professor from last year, spoke in last Wednesday's leadership meeting. He is a giant of a man who holds my greatest love and respect. It was he who introduced me to what the gospel was really all about on a level deeper and more meaningful than I had ever known before. He delivered a stirring sermon, carried by the power of the Lord's Spirit that accompanies him. Afterward I went up and spoke with him—Elder Ballard also—and he remembered us and seemed glad to see us.

Brother Riddle emphasized the necessity of living by the Spirit. Then he moved into a discussion of stewardships. In the priesthood there are three basic relationships: father/mother, brother/sister, and son/daughter. In a temple marriage the priesthood stewardship relationship is one of father to daughter. The husband presides over the wife and the two together preside as a quorum over the family. He explained Cain’s and Abel’s situation. Their stewardship relationship was brother to brother. When Cain slew Abel he usurped priesthood authority he did not have by assuming a father role over Abel. The Lord appeared to demand an accounting for that stewardship. Cain was not meant to be his brother’s keeper. In Brazil we will be in a father role over the people there because, as representatives of Jesus Christ, we are duly authorized to act for Him even as if He Himself were there. The father stewardship is one more of blessing rather than just dominion over.

Brother Riddle also taught a lesson in how to deal with leaders over us we think are doing wrong. To criticize them is only to question the Lord’s ability to direct His own Church. Perfect obedience best helps that leader. Then if he really is doing wrong the Lord will remove him. It is not ours to ask an accounting of his stewardship.

From Brigham Young: "To be gentle and kind, modest and truthful, to be full of faith and integrity, doing no wrong is of God; goodness sheds a halo of loveliness around every person who possesses it, making their countenances beam with light, and their society desirable because of its excellency. They are loved of God, of holy angels, and of all the good on earth" (Discourses of Brigham Young, 280). Sounds like part of a description of one who is a disciple of Christ in truth and in deed.

The world has been beautiful recently. Yesterday the heavens were crying. Today a sharp blue sky clashed with the snowy peaks of Timp. The air was crystalline fresh. Stubborn leaves still cling to the trees that gave them birth but months before. The glory of God is manifest in all His creations.

Karen Stockton wrote the following poem last July:

A mission—separation—
Not a tearing apart
But a molding together
Through parallel growth.

Thoughts, hopes, dreams,
Cherished experiences, care
Woven, delicately yet strongly,
Into letters—a bridge across the miles.

Always present in the memory
A knowledge of past joy;
Fleeting glances in dreams
Of future joy to share.

Two years will pass by quickly.
It will be hard to leave
Your newfound life of service.
But old friends will welcome you
To a life—familiar—yet somehow new.

The past is gone.
But ahead lie bright horizons,
For old friendships
Made ever more meaningful
By growth and wisdom
In two years of blessings from God.

Saturday, October 26, 1968

Writing in this journal regularly becomes increasingly more challenging as time continues. The single major reason is simply lack of time. And beginning with today available time will decrease even more, also cutting into scripture study time, because we are moving out of Allen Hall into the Lund's Motel at 250 South University Avenue. That means a long walk twice a day. Estimated time to breakfast is 30 minutes. A day's schedule is already full without all the footwork added. Our schedule now:

6:00 levantar, comer [get up, eat]
7:30 reunião da zona [zone meeting]
8:00 aula [class]
10:00 retenção [retention]
11:00 aula
12:30 comer
1:00 aula
4:00 aula de proseletismo [proselyting class]
5:00 gym
6:00 comer
7:00 retenção
10:30 deitar [go to bed]

Wednesday, October 23, 1968

Not many days remain before we move into second level work. The first level is memorizing dialogues, learning grammar, and becoming generally familiar with the language. Second level means concentration on the six discussions.

President Palmer, just recently returned from the Korean Mission and now in BYU's department of Asian Studies, spoke to the combined zones this morning in leadership meeting. As the numbers increase each week in the Language Training Mission, the Social Hall where we meet becomes increasingly crowded. President Palmer continued the tradition of inspirational, informative, and uplifting talks. He chose as his theme the hymn "God Moves in a Mysterious Way," relating it to missionary work by appropriate experiences from his own life and missions.

October's weather here in Utah Valley is the best that could be asked for. The mountains east of Provo no longer retain their brilliant color, but the trees in the valley keep their leaves still. Autumn is a swirl of color. All nature shouts in subtle whisperings that there is a God, the Master Artist. Nights are crisp, afternoons warm. Traces of snow still cling to the top of Timpanogos in the hazy distance. The world can be such a beautiful place.

Monday, October 21, 1968

Prayer is the choice opportunity to reach above the level of the mundane into higher realms. Someone once said that a man is greatest on his knees. This is true if he is really communicating with the Light above him, honestly confessing inadequacies and the necessity of reliance upon the Lord, humbly acknowledging the hand of God in all things. As such prayer is growth.

Today I noticed that zone, district, and private prayers number about 15 a day. My biggest challenge is trying to avoid the trite, the empty, and the insincere. Of course, limited vocabulary restricts that which I can express in Portuguese when that is necessary, but I guess the Lord hears the heart, not just the words.

Last evening following sacrament meeting our district repaired to Elder Welch's home for home evening. He is a fantastic man with a terrific wife. Elder Burr and his girl also attended. After Elder Welch's comments on how to get along with companions, a testimony meeting followed. Everybody participated. Such moments in life as this, when an entire group can draw together in brotherhood and united in faith, make me realize the multiplicity of blessings I enjoy. The Holy Ghost’s influence touched our hearts and spirits.

Sister Welch had baked pies for refreshments. They were great. It was somewhat after 10:30 before we returned to Allen Hall.

Sunday, October 20, 1968

The third week is over now and we will soon be moving into the fourth. The rate at which time flies is simply unbelievable. This morning I gave my first talk in Portuguese, a two-and-a-half-minute one for Sunday School. I spoke briefly, very briefly, about the first principles and ordinances of the gospel. Elder Welch, our morning professor, attended just to hear it. Already I understand almost all that is going on in the meetings now.

My pen kept quite busy this weekend. I wrote letters to Ray and Sheryl congratulating them on their marriage, to Jerry, to my wonderful parents, to Karen, to Brian Rabe, to Mark Smith, and to Dave Hart. That is enough for quite a few days.

Right now my scripture reading has me in the gospel of Luke and in Third Nephi, both great books because they share insights into the life of Christ. I have within the past year developed a hungry appetite for reading the scriptures. I have found no better instruction manuals for finding happiness and excellence in life.

I have written very little on these pages concerning my companion, Elder Rencher. It will soon be three weeks we have been together, and I am developing a great love for him, and we are growing together. At first his loudness came to my notice, but my quiet disposition soon learned that acceptance was necessary if the remaining weeks here were to be tolerable. Sometime later I saw his discouragement showing through and was told by our professors to love and encourage him. I have prayed extensively for guidance in doing my best in this area. Already I feel efforts are paying off. Friday evening we prayed together alone for the first time after a particularly trying and discouraging week. In district prayer we were a little too light of heart, and Elder Rencher finally spoke some words of rebuke. We all felt bad. It was after all this that the two of us communed with heaven. He acted as mouth. For that experience together I am grateful.

The Portuguese zone received 28 more new missionaries Friday evening. The traditional welcome was extended.

Following sacrament meeting, in which Elder Welch spoke, the district called two taxis to go to Elder Welch’s trailer home for home evening.

Saturday, October 19, 1968

I wrote this letter to my brother Jerry:

Only three months ago today was my 19th birthday. How clearly I remember that day. But what is remarkable is the continued growth I have experienced since then. The mantle of a great responsibility has been placed upon my shoulders. Ten years ago this very month you experienced a similar thing and know of what I speak.

The vastness of the Lord's work in South America is overwhelming: The stone Daniel saw is now filling the whole earth. The longer I live the more firmly I am convinced that the Savior's return is drawing closer and closer. So many signs have been given, including the gospel being preached in all the world. The elect are being gathered because the sheep know the voice of their Shepherd (and of His authorized servants) and are responding. We are all so blessed to be able to live in this part of this dispensation, a dispensation in which things are being revealed that have never before been revealed since the earth's beginning. Time is growing so short. Even now we are instructed not to take more than three weeks with an investigator. This week we were told that a time would come when six discussions would take too long and the elders could only stand on the streets to declare their message and bear their testimony. Yes, time is short.

This week in leadership meeting Steven Covey, assistant to President Wilkinson and formerly Irish Mission president, addressed us. His hour with us was a truly great experience. At the beginning of every leadership meeting the missionaries sing the opening hymn in their respective languages, meaning six languages all at once. That really sounds interesting.

Next Thursday or Friday we are moving out of Allen Hall into a hotel somewhere in Provo. The address will be the same though. It will probably mean more money but that depends upon where we move. I am going to pay all expenses here in just one check before leaving at Christmastime. Those bits of extra money I have, or assume I have, will really help.

Continue your wonderful letters. I really appreciate them. Thanks (obrigado).

Tomorrow morning I have one of the 2½-minute talks in Sunday School in Portuguese. The other night I finally was called on to give a closing prayer in front of the whole zone, also in Portuguese.

Grow closer to the Lord, Jerry, and He will direct your paths to your own best good. I can testify personally of that. I think most Church members don't really understand it, but if we expect to be in the celestial kingdom hereafter we must be charting a course here and now that leads toward perfection and becoming worthy to see the Savior and, through faith and repentance and His divine grace, becoming completely free of the sins of the world. The day of this life is the time to prepare to meet God, teaches the Book of Mormon. This life, not the next.

I thank you for all you have given me and mean to me. If only I can partly repay the debt. May God bless you.

Thursday, October 17, 1968

Today my brother Ray was married in the Logan Temple to Sheryl Crandall. I pray for their every happiness together. By coincidence I met a Pearl Smith, who was cashier in the breakfast line, who knows him quite well. I have heard Ray speak of her.

Since we have been eating in the Wilkinson Center it becomes difficult not to run into people I knew from school last year. This week I have chatted ever so briefly with Bob Elliott, Dwight Inoiye, Dave Hasse, Earl Cleverly, Dorothy Pack, Linda Kunz, Bob Jackson, Joanne Yalovich, and others whose names fail me. Wilma Atkins, who I ran into in the bookstore, is going to Nampa this weekend for Ray’s reception and asked for any message she could take home. At yesterday's leadership meeting I saw Elder Ballard and Elder LeSueur. Last Sunday evening at the eight-stake fireside I saw cousin Kent Palmer.

Today I gave my first prayer in Portuguese before the whole zone.

Wednesday, October 16, 1968

Stephen R. Covey, former president of the Irish Mission and now assistant to President Wilkinson at BYU, spoke this morning in leadership meeting. He spoke on human influence as related to preaching the gospel. He had us copy down the following chart:

Conditioning experiences > Point of view, attitude > Behavior

Negative
Criticism, judgment, rejection > Freezes point of view > Defensive, hostile

Positive
Light, understanding, acceptance > Open, teachable, unfreezes > Change, improve

We are expected to become a light, not a judge. We should not compare people but accept each individual as they are—meaning an unconditional love, or charity, the pure love of Christ. And in prayer we should not just talk but learn to listen. Effective prayer should be two-way communication.

Tonight in retention I played piano for the opening song. Elder Rencher conducted the music.

Tuesday, October 15, 1968

I realized today that I am not as close to the Lord as I should be. A high degree of spirituality is lacking, not only with myself but with the district generally. As a district we have decided this. This can lead to several immediate and specific disastrous results. Without the Lord's aid we cannot adequately acquire the language. Without the Lord’s Spirit I am not becoming more of a disciple of Christ. Without more of the Spirit it becomes difficult to influence others for good and to love others fully. The list could continue, but I feel it is obvious that continuing on this plane could only prove disastrous. My prayers are going to have to ascend more earnestly, from the depths of a grateful and humble heart. I will need to be more fully committed to my duties here. I will need to be more sharing in my love and service, especially towards my companion.

Letters today came from both Mom and Jerry. The one from Mom expressed a tremendous vote of confidence and love. She has recovered from her burns of a month ago and returned to work.

Monday, October 14, 1968

The beginning of the third week here in the Language Training Mission offered no particular problems. I think maybe the worst has passed. At least I do not expect any more discouragement to bother me in the near future. The district has a goal of speaking five from 6:00 A.M. today to 11:00 A.M. Saturday (gym hour excepted), with Tuesday for speaking six, or absolutely no English. Another challenge is spending a minimum of three hours a week with the scriptures.

During proselyting class this afternoon we moved into a fascinating discussion of perfection. It led me afterwards into the scriptures to do research on the subject. In a short while I found 11 passages in the Doctrine and Covenants talking about being able to see the Lord in this life. Some in the class were not aware that such a level of perfection was possible in this life. They could not conceive of a person remaining sinless. Last year I moved into a greatly enlarged understanding and appreciation of this and related principles. The Lord commanded us to become perfect, and He does not give commandments that He does not provide a way in which they can be accomplished.

Another letter came today from Karen. Her letters inspire me. I find no way in which the letters from her detract from my efforts here, as some elders seem to experience. My life would be very different without her.

Sunday, October 13, 1968

Yesterday during morning class Elder Burr, our afternoon professor, interviewed everybody in the district personally for a few moments. He wanted to know generally how we felt we were doing and how we were getting along. Elder Welch did the same last week.

Following class Elder Rencher and I walked downtown, where I bought a pair of shoes on sale at Penney's and also a pair of slacks. I saved four dollars on the shoes. We came back just in time to go up to the Wilkinson Center for lunch. Starting Saturday morning we began eating there rather than Amanda Knight Hall. The food is better, utensils clean, more food, the environment has more class. The only complaint is the walk, but the exercise will be good. Most of the afternoon we spent watching Wyoming beat BYU in football 20-17. BYU lead much of the game—it was sad.

Today was fast Sunday. In testimony meeting I played the piano. This evening we attended the BYU Eight-Stake Fireside in the Fieldhouse. President N. Eldon Tanner spoke. He mentioned the great value of a good and honorable name, the necessity of not selling honesty for a dime, the importance of personal responsibility. He spoke of his childhood home in Canada. He delivered a blessing and expression of love from the Prophet. He explained the necessity and value of real prayer. It was a great talk, one which moved me back into the spirit of missionary work, for earlier in the evening we were a little too light of spirit.

Friday, October 11, 1968

This evening we welcomed around 25 new elders into the Portuguese zone, giving them the same rousing welcome accorded us two weeks ago. Our district was assigned two of the novos specifically—an Elder Goddard and an Elder Gessel. The latter was the one we (my companion and I) took under wing. I introduced him in the zone meeting. He is from near Logan.

Groups of similar size will be arriving the next two Fridays. In about that much time we older missionaries will be moving out of Allen Hall into different hotels in town. Things are becoming crowded.

At the end of the second week in the language mission, things generally appear brighter. Portuguese does not seem such an impossible barrier and time seems to be going even faster. Yesterday I offered a short prayer in Portuguese at the beginning of class, the first to do so in the district. It was by assignment from Elder Welch, our morning professor. He said it would be a good example since I was "bishop" this week. The bishop is the one who assigns all prayers to be given in the district. In meetings I am beginning to pick up more.

Thursday, October 10, 1968

Truman G. Madsen, speaking this morning in leadership meeting, unfolded precious insights concerning the life and mission of the Prophet Joseph Smith. It was his earnest witness that Jesus Christ could be seen clearer in the person of Joseph Smith than in any other man who has lived on the earth. He told us about the Prophet’s weaknesses and sins, not wanting to make him inhuman and impossible to identify with, but told us how he grew into perfection before the Lord. Brother Madsen cast him in his role as a missionary—one we not usually think of him as playing—and indicated ways in which we could follow suit. As with Christ, Joseph never argued with an enemy. As with Christ, he had a great ability to love and was filled with compassion towards those who would not heed the gospel message.

Love for the Prophet surged through me as Brother Madsen bore his testimony that, except for Christ, Joseph was the greatest of all the prophets of all dispensations. I had heard this before (and Doctrine and Covenants 135:3 talks about it), but never before had I understood with either head or heart. Now I do a little better. Oh to be able someday in the eternities to be worthy to share in the greatness of his company and friendship. Sections 121 and 122 of the Doctrine and Covenants relate to Joseph and have long been favorite passages of mine. Reading them again this afternoon in more meaningful light was a special treat.

Classes are generally routine. Today I offered, by assignment, the first prayer in our district in Portuguese.

A short note came from Jerry saying he returned to Nampa safely.

Tuesday, October 8, 1968

A new elder added to our district caused a change of companions and room assignments. Elder Dickson moved into our room to make it crowded with four instead of three. He is assigned to Elder Kletting as a companion. That means only Elder Rencher and I are companions now. That makes life easier. A lot of bending is required when three companions must stick together.

Starting yesterday we are required to pay five cents every time we speak in English in class (unless express permission is granted). Thus far I have not had to pay. The collected money will eventually go toward a pizza for the district. We are also requested to speak as much Portuguese as we know (speak five) from 6:00 A.M. to 10:00 P.M., with the exception of the gym hour. To speak five, or fale cinco, is a program requiring use of all the vocabulary we have acquired. Tomorrow our district is going to try to speak six, meaning absolutely no English.

A letter came from Jerry today. He spent the past weekend in Salt Lake City attending conference.

Sunday, October 6, 1968

The final sessions of the 138th semi-annual general conference of the Church are now only history. The messages and inspiration today were equally as moving and impressive as those yesterday. President McKay attended the morning session, but upon the advice of physicians he watched the afternoon session from his apartment. His son delivered his closing address. To be remembered is the blessing he pronounced on the membership of the Church.

Among the themes emphasized during the conference was one of a more temporal nature—opposition to liquor-by-the-drink, which will be decided at the polls in Utah next month. Many of the Brethren mentioned it, and President McKay reemphasized his statement in opposition of last May.

I found time during the day to study the second and third discussions for proselyting class, write a brief letter to Bob Russell, read Matthew, and such as this. I studied no Portuguese. Tomorrow that begins again.

From Joseph Smith this treasure: "All I can offer the world is a good heart and a good hand" (Teachings, 313).

In sacrament meeting it is surprising how much I am beginning to pick up.

Saturday, October 5, 1968

In preparation for general conference, our district elected to fast two meals today—breakfast and lunch—to put us on a spiritual plane more receptive to the messages, instructions, and themes of the conference. This will be our last conference for two years. We met together last night to dedicate our fast to these purposes.

The three session of conference we participated in today were exceedingly worth every effort involved. The Spirit was present in such abundance that the messages were received in the heart. My soul was filled, my heart overflowing with gratitude, my mind and body subdued, and my whole being in tune with God. Anyone with any degree of spiritual awareness or sensitivity could not honestly resist the testimonies offered. Both words and song added to the spiritual feast.

We watched both general sessions here in the chapel of Allen Hall. For the priesthood session this evening we went to the Fieldhouse, where the meeting was relayed by closed-circuit television. During the late afternoon Elder Rencher, Elder Kletting, and I went to the BYU Bookstore. During the day I also laundered, wrote Karen, and wrote home. A letter came from Karen.

Friday, October 4, 1968

Yesterday we missed considerable amounts of time in the classroom. Leadership meeting cut short retention by 20 minutes and eliminated an hour of class. Because it ran late, we lost another half hour of class in the afternoon. Elder Ostergar met with us in the afternoon to assign new districts and again during retention for 45 minutes to further instruct the new missionaries. Moving into new quarters was limited to the sports hour just before dinner, preventing any physical activity there.

A letter came yesterday from Jerry. All seems to be well on the home front. Cheryl is back from Germany already, although he said nothing about Kimberley.

The daily schedule begins at 6:00 A.M. sharp. Zone meeting at 6:40 prefaces breakfast. Classroom work begins at 8:00 and continues until 10:00. Retention in the chapel takes an hour at 10:00, followed by another hour in class. At 1:00 P.M. class resumes, ending at 3:50, fol-lowed by proselyting class for an hour. Gym takes from 5:00 to 6:00. Retention begins again at 7:00 and ends at 10:00. Lights are out at 10:30. That is the skeleton around which the day is built.

Tonight during retention, while we were in conversation with a native Brazilian, some visitors dropped into our room for a few moments. We later found out they were stake and ward leaders from the São Paulo Stake up for general conference. This is Brazil’s only organized stake.

Thursday, October 3, 1968

Every Friday we are required to submit a weekly progress report, indicating the amount of individual study time beyond classroom work in both the scriptures and with the language. Also the amount or rate of our progress. One a 1-to-5 scale we indicate our effort in speaking the language during the week and what we intend to speak during the next week. To "speak five" is to make every effort to use all the vocabulary that we have learned. On the back of this report is a letter to President Wilkins2 about whatever we desire, including likes and dislikes, suggestions and comments.

The general conference of the Church convened this morning in Salt Lake City with President David O. McKay presiding and attending the morning session. Classes prevented our participation.

Tonight in retention we were shown two films, one narrated in English about Rio de Janeiro and a second in Portuguese about Uruguay. Before and between the films we heard various types of music associated with Brazil. This brief diversion was a welcome respite from studying. Since there is no proselyting class on Friday, Elder Rencher and I went to the bookstore, and I showed him around the campus somewhat. He attended Ricks College last year.

We learned a testimony about Joseph Smith today.

Wednesday, October 2, 1968

Today was an interesting day. We attended our first leadership meeting, were assigned to our permanent districts, and gained new companions.

Leadership meeting is held every Wednesday at 11:00 A.M. in Knight Mangum Hall with some speaker before the combined zones of the mission. The scheduled speaker did not show up, so missionaries who were recent converts were called up to speak. After a few of these, the speaker did arrive (she had been lost on campus and could not find Knight Mangum Hall) and presented her interesting story. Sister Davies had been a nun in the Catholic Church for 33 years, which included several years working directly with the Pope. In 1967 she was introduced to and embraced Mormonism. Her testimony and the story of her conversion were most inspiring. Since she was late, everything, including lunch and classes, were behind about half an hour.

This afternoon all the new missionaries in the zone were called out of classes into a meeting with Elder Allen Ostergar, the zone counselor. Permanent districts were assigned. I am now in the Marília District with an Elder Nelson as district leader. My new companions are Elder Craig Rencher and Elder Richard Kletting. Still a threesome because of an odd number of elders. How lucky can I be? At least I did not have to move out of room 34. Elders Babbel and Gale are still in the same district with me.

Tuesday, October 1, 1968

I did not realize until this evening that it was already October. I cannot believe how quickly time slips away. In what will seem a flash the next 27 months will race by, bringing both joy and sadness. The joy in being reunited with loved ones, the sadness in leaving a life completely dedicated to love and service and growth.

This afternoon during the free hour, while my companions played football, I read The Book of Mormon: Key to Conversion by Glenn L. Pearson. It was just a small book. The thesis was that everything we declare to the world and all arguments against the Church depend on whether the Book of Mormon is true or not. If it is, then Joseph Smith is a prophet, the Church is led by revelation today, and all that we claim falls into line. The gospel cannot be "proven." Knowledge concerning spiritual things can come only from God. And that is why we are not going out to prove by the sophistries of men but to declare by the power of the Spirit.

By now I feel somewhat better about my meager gains in understanding Portuguese. I realize though that we have not even really scratched the surface. It will be interesting.

Monday, September 30, 1968

By the end of our first full day of work in the Language Training Mission, a great deal of Portuguese has been stuffed into our heads. How much will remain by tomorrow is hard to say. At this point it would be difficult to evaluate any progress in learning the language. I felt both confident and grossly inadequate all in the same day. Any confidence at this point probably stems from ignorance.

Almost 12 hours of the day (11½ to be exact) were spent in class, in retention, in meetings. Saturation contact with the language should soon make us proficient or drive us mad. I rather suspect the first is the general outcome. An hour of soccer just before dinner offered some nice diversion. It will take a few days to become used to such concentrated learning and such vigorous activity.

This morning the new elders and lady missionaries were out of class long enough to take a language proficiency test. Results from this will mostly determine the composition of our permanent districts. Changes should be announced tomorrow. Also tomorrow we are expected to speak no English. If we cannot say it in Portuguese, we are not supposed to say it. That should prove interesting.

Yesterday was my mother’s 53rd birthday. I sent a card Friday.

Sunday, September 29, 1968

Time is fleeting even when no direct obligations or responsibilities are pressing. From Friday evening until this evening has been as a flash. The welcome we received when we arrived at Allen Hall was overwhelming. All the missionaries in the Portuguese zone were on the front lawn waiting for us new ones from Salt Lake. No sooner did we step off the bus than we were grabbed by an elder or two, who carried our luggage and quickly escorted us to our quarters.

Within seconds we were checked in and assembled in the chapel to begin our first meeting. Singing hymns in Portuguese, though I cannot understand the words yet, is really great. We were temporarily assigned districts and companions. I have an unusual distinction of having two other companions—Elders Kent Gale and Dave Babbel—because of an odd number of elders. All Friday night was free for getting settled, writing letters or in journals, resting, and like activities.

Yesterday started with an orientation meeting for all new missionaries in all the zones. The Language Training Mission presidency spoke to us. Our first class in Portuguese followed. We worked on a short dialogue with an Elder Alder as our instructor. A zone orientation meeting, led by zone leader Elder Gibson, ended Saturday’s meetings. The afternoon was free. After lunch I did laundry and wrote letters while my companions played football. Finishing about the same time, we walked up to the bookstore on campus to buy our Portuguese texts. To Sir with Love was playing in the Varsity Theater, which was next on our list. I had seen this movie once before, but now as one preparing to go out and change people’s lives, its effect on me was significantly more profound than I remembered from the first viewing nearly a year earlier. Seeing the show made us miss dinner. We stopped at the A&W to eat on our way to the Iowa State–BYU football game. Coincidentally, Kay and Claudia were there and I saw them for a brief moment. They were down for the game. Rain fell before the game and during halftime. BYU lost to Iowa State 28-20.

Meetings today began with scripture class at 6:45. Sunday School followed at 8:00, priesthood meeting at 9:30. All classes were in English, but opening exercises were in Portuguese. This evening at 5:30 we had culture capsule which included slides on the ethnic groups and the arts in Brazil. Sacrament meeting came at 7:00 and was all in Portuguese. Home evening, taught by Elder Babbel, ended the day’s meetings. During the afternoon the three of us had a nice long nap, and I wrote Karen a letter.

A box of cookies, baked by Karen, was delivered in the afternoon. A wonderfully super letter accompanied the cookies.

Friday, September 27, 1968

Today I received my endowment in the Salt Lake Temple. The sacred nature of these ordinances and instructions in the Lord's house prevent elaborations concerning the wonderful experience. We were told that a person receiving his endowment for the first time could not come out of the temple the same person who went in. I know that to be true in my own case. The experience is a maturing and growing one.

After the first session we were able to enter the assembly room to have questions answered for an hour by Elder Harold B. Lee of the Twelve. Then we had another session, in which I served proxy for a John Plowright Russell, who was born in 1796. I gained considerably more from this second session than from the first. At 3:30, after nearly eight and a half hours within the temple, we were through.

Only an hour remained for our final meal at the Hotel Utah, for last minute packing, and farewells. Group pictures including Elders Hill, Cannon, Boswell, LeSueur, Ballard, and myself were taken. I bid Elders Boswell and Cannon good-bye for two and a half years. The others I will still run into occasionally in Provo. Of the four busses hauling missionaries to the Language Training Mission, the Portuguese one had 28 missionaries on it headed for the three Brazilian missions.

Thursday, September 26, 1968

With an overflowing heart, with a filled soul, with subdued emotions, I thank my God for another rich day and evening. Tonight the missionaries were privileged to visit the Tabernacle to hear the choir in rehearsal. I had the unique opportunity to shake hands with Alexander Schreiner and Richard P. Condie. And then the choir performed such great hymns as "The Lord’s Prayer" and "Battle Hymn of the Republic," anthems as endeared to me as that organ and choir are. The closing evening moved them into "God Be with You till We Meet Again."

If all this were not enough, Elder Ballard and I, along with Elders Hill and Boswell, met and spoke briefly with President S. Dilworth Young and his wife, who were also leaving the Tabernacle. Such moving opportunities in such quick succession are truly humbling.

Bishop Robert L. Simpson and Elder Spencer W. Kimball addressed the elders and sisters today. Bishop Simpson’s comments on tithing and fast offerings cleared several hazy points floating in my mind. Elder Kimball talked in some detail of Church organization at the general level. Theodore Mabeus spoke concerning safety, and Gordon Johnson explored with slides the use of mass communications by the Church as a missionary tool. I certainly hope those working in this area can catch the vision of the potential and usefulness of mass communications in spreading the gospel.

Wednesday, September 25, 1968

Today under the hands of Elder Elray L. Christiansen, an Assistant to the Twelve, I was set apart as a missionary, an ambassador of Christ, an ordained minister of the gospel. This took place in his office in the Church Administration Building shortly after 3:00 P.M. My companion, Elder Gale, received his commission under the same hands. I was blessed to be able to master the language, admonished to keep wicked thoughts that would hinder the work from my mind, blessed with every needful and righteous desire necessary to accomplish the Lord's work if sought from Him in earnestness and with pleading. I was given the authority to baptize, confer the Holy Ghost, teach, exhort, expound, and all other necessary rights pertaining to my calling.

Elder Spencer W. Kimball of the Twelve presented a certificate, signed by the Prophet, indicating I was a duly ordained minister in good standing in the Church, authorized to preach the principles of the gospel and administer the ordinances thereof.

General Authorities this morning included Howard W. Hunter, Milton R. Hunter, and Delbert L. Stapley.

A surprising amount of free time was scheduled for us today, with even more tomorrow. I suppose it should be devoted to study and learning discussions. Most of it, however, is spent with Evan, or Elder Ballard rather. We generally wander over to Temple Square and sit talking as long as time permits. Out of everyone we both know in the missionary home this week, it seems most difficult to call each other Elder Ballard and Elder Cleverly rather than by our first names. We have talked much about both Karen and Dorothy, much about ourselves and our missions and our relationships to God and each other. Evan tells me he does too much of the talking. That is partly true. The significant thing about our talks is that we are able to exchange love and other good emotions as well as pretty deep ideas at times. For these precious moments together with one of the Lord’s choice children I am humbly appreciative, wishing to trade the associations and memories with absolutely nothing else. Evan commands both my love and respect. I place fullest confidence in his potential as a truly great missionary. How lucky we were to be in the mission home together.

Life in the mission home begins each morning around 6:00 A.M. and runs until between 10:30 and 11:00 P.M. Meals in the basement of the Hotel Utah are served at 7:00 for breakfast, 12:00 for lunch, and 5:00 for dinner. Classes meet in the basement of the mission home.

"Scripture Sally" is a favorite of the elders in the home. I fail to understand her. At meal times she stands in front of the home in her self-assumed prophetic role, quoting scriptural references and telling us how apostate the Church is. She does not believe in the Old Testament but quotes from the Doctrine and Covenants mostly and some from the Book of Mormon. We were instructed to ignore her and do so generally.

Tuesday, September 24, 1968

Two years of complete dedication to the Lord is but a tithing on 20 years of life. And so here I am, offering myself as a messenger of the gospel of Jesus Christ, to repay in some modest way the great debt I owe to my God. I can never repay Him though, for His goodness is beyond my comprehension and is continually and more fully extended.

King Benjamin said, "If ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants. And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments" (Mosiah 2:21–22).

How great is Christ's love for His children!

Tonight I can already look back on two days of extreme growth and development in the mission home. My spiritual awareness has been opened more fully, possibilities and horizons expanded. To be able to sit at the feet of the prophets of God, to learn of their wisdom, to feel of their spirit is a truly significant opportunity.

The servants of the Lord before us today included President N. Eldon Tanner, Richard L. Evans, Mark E. Peterson, Gordon B. Hinckley, Bruce R. McConkie, Ezra Taft Benson, and LeGrand Richards. I could fill pages relating the information dispensed and the spirit shared by these spiritual giants. It seems nearly impossible to be able to digest so much. As many testimonies were borne the Spirit ratified their validity.

Last night we were greeted by and received instructions from the mission home presidency. President Jaussi presides. These instructions, following dinner in the basement of the Hotel Utah, began at 6:30. After that a Dr. Parmley, who wife heads the Primary general board, lectured and bore testimony on the subject of science and religion. Tonight we met in smaller groups with returned missionaries to work on parts of the first discussion.

In the mission home with me this week are several friends I knew from school last year: Jeff Boswell going to the Samoan Mission, Steve Hill going to the South German Mission, Joe Cannon going to the Irish Mission, Dave LeSueur going to the Franco-Belgian Mission, Dave Babbel going to the Brazilian North Mission, and Evan Ballard going to the West Spanish American Mission.

My companion during the week, also headed for the Brazilian North Mission, is Elder Kent Gale from Salt Lake City. By his suggestion and by my being older by a month, I became senior companion. We are the only two in our room. Some of the rooms are larger and have four elders each.

As President Tanner welcomed the missionaries, all 309 of us, he delivered a message from President David O. McKay. It included the fact that each of us holds a great personal responsibility and that the Savior is very concerned with every one of us. The Prophet prays for us each day. Think of what strength can come from realizing and knowing that.



For the record let me skim ever so briefly over the short days before the beginning of this week in the missionary home. I bid Jerry and Mom good-bye near noon on Friday. With me driving, Dad, Dale, Jackie, and I Volkswagened our way to Bountiful, where I left everyone off at Uncle Marv's home before hurrying south to Provo.

I expected and had great reunions that weekend. I first met Steve and Dave Hart, Mark Smith, Bob Reading, and a few of the new men on second floor right of Stover Hall. I spent Friday and Saturday nights in Bob's room. Sister May was actually the first familiar face I saw as I checked with her about staying for the weekend and reported my mission call. Then it was over to Karen Stockton's for a brief visit before closing time.

Saturday at breakfast I saw Jeff Boswell and Brian Rabe again. We visited for a bit, met with Steve Hill when he came over from where he had spent the night, saw Karen, and rode to Campus Plaza to visit girls in the ward from last year.

Karen and I drove to Tooele for my cousin Curtis Palmer’s funeral services. We reached the Palmer home just before time to go to the mortuary. I was able to see many relatives for a last time before my mission, and Karen was able to meet many for the first time.

The services were particularly moving, filled with hope and confidence in the gospel. Ken and Berniece were taking the tragic and unexpected death of their son in a most marvelous way. After many good-byes Karen and I returned to Provo for more farewells before Dad, Dale, and Jackie left for Ogden, where they would spend the night before returning home to Idaho.

That evening I had the unique opportunity of spending time with Brother Terry Warner. He met with a group of old students and friends, about six or seven of us, in the Stover lounge. If only I could spend more time and room on this particular reunion. After that I spent the rest of the evening with Karen until 2:00 A.M.

Sunday morning found us visiting priesthood and Sunday School in the BYU 22nd Ward. Sullivan Richardson had arrived by now to add to the number of visiting old members. Sulli, Steve Hill, and I ate dinner in Marina Palmer's apartment with her five roommates. Then the rest of the day, from 2:00 onward, was devoted to Karen. It was hard because good-bye hung so heavily over us. She spoke in sacrament meeting. We waited some in Stover lounge hoping to see Evan Ballard and Dorothy Pack but learned later we had missed them by only five minutes. The day with Karen ended at midnight. I talked with Mark Smith for two more hours before going to sleep.

Monday we left Provo at 9:00 A.M. Karen was there to see me off. Sulli drove us to Salt Lake, where we met Dave LeSueur at the airport before checking into the missionary home. After some shopping, I finally saw Evan Ballard again. The nearly four months apart had been a long time, and it was particularly good to see him again. Well, this outlines most briefly the weekend prefacing the beginning of my missionary career.

Introduction

My grandparents had as much to do with my going on a mission as anyone in my life. When I was just a child, not yet eight years old, Grandma and Grandpa Batt had gone on a mission to New England. Two years later, on what would have been the final day of their mission, Grandpa died in his sleep.

Just the day before Grandpa had sent a letter to his mission president saying yes, they would be happy to extend an extra two months. The Lord had other plans, however, and, according to the revelations, Grandpa was transferred instead to labor in the spirit world.

“I beheld,” wrote President Joseph F. Smith in his vision of the redemption of the dead, “that the faithful elders of this dispensation, when they depart from mortal life, continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption, through the sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of God, among those who are in darkness and under the bondage of sin in the great world of the spirits of the dead” (D&C 138:57).

Grandma returned home to Idaho, where she buried her husband and moved on with life. My memories of the funeral on that cold February day are sketchy but include a choir singing a great missionary hymn as one of the musical numbers:

Israel, Israel, God is calling,
Calling thee from lands of woe:
Babylon the great is falling.
God shall all her towers o’erthrow.
Come to Zion, come to Zion
Ere his floods of anger flow.
Come to Zion, come to Zion!
Ere his floods of anger flow.

Israel, Israel, God is speaking;
Hear your great Deliverer’s voice!
Now a glorious morn is breaking
For the people of his choice.
Come to Zion, come to Zion,
And within her walls rejoice.
Come to Zion, come to Zion!
And within her walls rejoice.

Israel, angels are descending
From celestial worlds on high,
And to man their power extending,
That the Saints may homeward fly.
Come to Zion, come to Zion,
For your coming Lord is nigh.
Come to Zion, come to Zion,
For your coming Lord is nigh.

Israel! Israel! Canst thou linger
Still in error’s gloomy ways?
Mark how judgment’s pointing finger
Justifies no vain delays.
Come to Zion, come to Zion!
Zion’s walls shall ring with praise.
Come to Zion, come to Zion!
Zion’s walls shall ring with praise.
— Richard Smyth, Hymns [1948], no. 81

During the following years I loved going to visit Grandma Batt, who lived next door to our Palmer cousins in Grantsville. She would often talk of her missionary experiences and, more than anyone else, instilled in me a desire to be a missionary myself someday. She also inspired me to read the Book of Mormon for the first time, which I completed the year I was twelve.

As I was growing up, three of my older brothers also served missions: Jerry in Canada and the Western States Mission, Kay in the Andes Mission in South America, and Gene in Fiji and the Western States Mission. This was in a day before prophets emphasized that every worthy, able young man should serve a mission.

After I graduated from high school in Nampa, Idaho, in 1967, I went away to school at Brigham Young University. During that freshman year I fell in love with life and people and the gospel. A whole new dimension of existence opened up to me while under the tutorship of spiritual giants such as Chauncey Riddle and Terry Warner. What it meant to live by the Spirit became a reality to me. Perhaps for the first time in my young life, my heart felt the pure love of Christ.

I learned two great lessons that year. First, I realized how little I really knew. And second, I found out what charity was and how to love others as much as or more than myself. My living environment that season—among such friends as Evan Ballard, Bob Russell, Steve Hill, Brian Rabe, Dave LeSueur, Jeff Boswell, and others—was the closest thing to a celestial order that I had yet experienced.

Later I would write one of the experiences of that year:

“'O Father, help these young men who are listening tonight, when they go home to get on their knees and commit themselves to thee; and then they may know, and I promise them that they may know, that with thy help they need not fear the future’ (Improvement Era, Dec. 1967, 92).

“These are the closing words of a prayer offered by Hugh B. Brown at the end of his talk in the priesthood session of the October 1967 general conference of the Church. That evening one of the important events in my life transpired. Returning to my room I knelt in grateful prayer and, then and there, committed my life, my time, my talents, my means, my energies to the Lord for the building of His kingdom. I placed my life on the altar, realizing that for the Savior it had to be my all or nothing.

“Not always since then have I fully met the obligation I placed myself under, but I am trying. Tonight as I was reviewing this talk, the realization hit home that following every faithful effort to live that commitment I have been blessed with additional knowledge, revelation if you will, that removes all fears of the future.

"At the time the Apostle spoke these words, my life was at a stage comparable to a richly fertile field. My environment was perfect for the full nourishment of the already planted seeds. And in the months immediately following my offering of whatever the Lord desired of me, I fell in love with the gospel and life and people. A whole garden of blessings blossomed in my life.

“Tonight for the first time I realized how truly significant was that act that October evening. I understood a little better trends and sequences in my recent life. My love for President Brown, who truly is a great servant of the Lord, grew just a little greater. And the importance of such a covenant, later reinforced in the temple of the Lord, became a little clearer.

“Oh, how great, how glorious, how good the name of our God. My use of words limits the overflowings of a grateful heart. To feel the impact of the Savior’s life, to know Jesus Christ as the Redeemer of the world, to share in His love—these are among life’s greatest joys” (entry in my missionary journal, Feb. 15, 1969).

As my life at school ended that year and I returned home to Idaho, I was horribly homesick for Provo. I was deeply depressed. I really missed BYU and the people and the experiences I had had there. For a week it continued. One morning after especially earnest pleadings with the Lord to comfort me and lift me out of my depression, an audible voice softly suggested: “Read aloud.”

Read what aloud? But no answer.

I felt moved to turn to the Book of Mormon, thumbing through its pages until I reached a passage that jumped out at me as if it were in type twice the size of every other verse on the page. Its message hurled itself with considerable force into my soul: “For the eternal purposes of the Lord shall roll on, until all his promises be fulfilled”(Mormon 8:22).

Those brief words said everything that was necessary: the Lord’s work would push forward, He was mindful of me and my needs, I was invited to participate with His program if I desired, He loved me and held in store the best for me in the context of His all-knowing economy, even if I could not understand.

So what about a mission? That question plagued me a great deal as I began my freshman year. For various reasons my parents wanted me to finish college before considering a mission. Financial considerations partly prompted this attitude, since Dad could no longer work because of a stroke a few years earlier. If I were to leave school, I would no longer be a dependent and an already meager pension would be reduced. I was torn between a desire to serve the Lord as a missionary and the feeling that I should also honor my parents.

A further complication came from the Selective Service, which announced that once a student deferment was given up it could not be regained. That meant at least a four-year break in my schooling.

The Vietnam War was also heating up, and because of the draft the Church had made agreements with the Selective Service that only two missionaries would be sent out each year from each ward. With a July birthday I was one of the youngest in the group of young men that grew up together in the Nampa Fifth Ward. If the ones before me wanted to serve, that would pretty much eliminate my chance of going.

After much soul searching, I decided to ask the Lord about it, since He is the one I would be serving. Starting with Friday afternoon one weekend in the fall, when my roommate had gone home to Fillmore, I fasted and prayed and studied until Sunday at noon. I happened to be reading the Doctrine and Covenants at the time and could not miss the frequent and obvious references to missionary work. I ended my fast, feeling right about accepting a call as soon as I turned 19 the next summer. There was no supernatural manifestation, no burning in the bosom as on other occasions, just a quiet, abiding sense of peace.

I felt satisfied with that answer and was just returning from Sunday dinner in the cafeteria when I happened onto this statement by President Wilford Woodruff, which only served to confirm my decision:

“Can we imagine that our garments will be clean without lifting our voices before our fellow men and warning them of things that are at their doors? No, we cannot. There never was a set of men since God made the world under a stronger responsibility to warn this generation, to lift our voices long and loud, day and night, so far as we have the opportunity, and declare the words of God unto this generation. We are required to do this. This is our calling. It is our duty. It is our business” (Journal of Discourses, 21:122).

I was apprehensive at how my parents might react to all this, but I wrote them a letter telling them what had happened. I was grateful for their solid moral support from that moment on.

I still had to cope with how to pay for my mission. I didn’t worry unduly because I knew the Lord wanted me to serve and I had sufficient faith that He would provide the necessary means. Separately, two different brothers, Jerry and Ray, came without my asking and offered to help support me. But with only a month remaining before my interviews, I still lacked at least $25 a month. I placed my problem before the Lord and requested His aid. An answer soon came, but from an unexpected source.

My brother Gene, who was in the Army in Germany with his wife Cheryl, wrote to me, saying: “Cheryl and I have decided to help you when you are on your mission. We should be able to give you at least $25 a month. We have enough now for Cheryl and Kimberley to come home. So let us know when you get your call and we will send you the money.”

Tears of gratitude swelled in my eyes as I continued to read, now Cheryl writing: “We really do want to help you as much as we can. A mission is a wonderful thing. . . . We want you to understand that some months it may be a little hard but we have already planned to take yours out first along with the tithing. . . .

“When we first get home we won’t have a car or job or house or anything and it will probably be tough for a while, but we know that hard times only serve to make us stronger. Dean, we have been so blessed. I really should say I have been the one to be blessed so much. I’ve got Gene and Kimberley now. I’ve only been a member of the Church two and a half years, but these have been so full and meaningful to me.”

And so a mission came.


The call from President David O. McKay reached me on Saturday, August 24, 1968, calling me to the newly created Brazilian North Mission, headquartered in Rio de Janeiro.

“A great amount of anticipation was natural,” I wrote later of that occasion. “So as the white envelope from 47 East South Temple finally came, a flood of last-minute thoughts followed before that seal could be broken. Other floods would come later. From the Prophet’s letter the words Brazilian North Mission jumped out. Brazil! Never once had such a place even entered my mind in all the months of dreaming and planning. Yet from that very first moment Brazil had new meaning to me, and it became special to tell friends and family of my new home. It required but little time to satisfy my own mind that the Lord Himself, through His authorized servants, had called and wanted me serving in Brazil.”

Scheduling problems required my talk in sacrament meeting to be the day after my call came and nearly a month before I was leaving home. This prevented our contacting many friends and relatives who might otherwise have been able to be there. Only the family living right at home was able to attend.

The bishop had asked me to select a speaker. I immediately considered Sister Ruby Hurren, a beloved friend, teacher, and neighbor. But she was ill at the time. I thought next of another favorite teacher and friend, Sister Myrtle Leavitt. She was happy to participate with me, even on the short notice. In the meeting she delivered an outstanding sermon, using some of my favorite Book of Mormon passages and characters as illustrations of certain points.

“He That Hath Clean Hands and a Pure Heart” was sung as a special musical number after Sister Leavitt’s talk. That too was a favorite. As I started to talk next, I quoted the scripture (Psalm 24) upon which the song was based and thanked them for singing it. The same number had also been sung at my last brother’s farewell.

After those comments I then offered my humble thoughts from brief notes as the Spirit directed. First I quoted the following passage:

“When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?

“And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.

“He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?

“And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.

“And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.

“And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

“And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 16:13–19).

I then developed the theme that testimony comes only from the Spirit. I emphasized the importance of living by the Spirit, using this passage:

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

“Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil” (Proverbs 3:5–7).

How? By preparation, by study, by prayer. I used statements by Presidents David O. McKay and Hugh B. Brown about preparation.

President Brown said, “The war which began in heaven and has been going on ever since—a war in which the immortal souls of the children of men are at stake—is about to reach a climatic point. This appeal, therefore, is in a very real sense a call to arms.

“The call to be prepared is sent to each one of you by and from the President of the Church, the Prophet of God. It is of vital and of paramount importance. The preparation must begin at the center of your hearts and extend to the end of your fingers and toes. Each one of you may become the master of his fate, the captain of his soul. . . .

“We need stout hearts to meet the future, a future pregnant with unborn events and big with possibilities. We need faith to try, hope to inspire, and courage to endure” (Conference Report, Apr. 1968, 106).

“Begin today to be the person you want to be; . . . immortalize today and all the tomorrows that lie ahead in order that your life may have eternal significance” (Conference Report, Apr. 1968, 100).

And President McKay said, “With all my soul, I plead with members of the Church, and with people everywhere, to think more about the gospel; more about developing of the spirit within; to devote more time to the real things in life, and less time to those things which will perish” (Conference Report, Apr. 1968, 144).

I mentioned this teaching from the Doctrine and Covenants:

“Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

“The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever” (D&C 121:45–36).

When we pray we need a child’s faith. I quoted the song “I Am a Child of God.”

And the motivation for it all? Charity.

“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure” (Moroni 7:47–48).

I closed by telling of my call to Brazil, where they speak Portuguese and not Spanish, and with my testimony that these things were true and I knew them to be true, for which knowledge I was grateful.

Bishop Eldon J. Yorgason stood next and started reading a letter from a young man in Seattle, Washington. I soon realized it was from Bob Russell, a special friend I had known from my previous year at BYU. He had written to the bishop about me. The closing lines that the bishop read were something like this: “I never knew Matthew Cowley, who was supposed to be a great man of faith. But I have known Dean Cleverly, and he has been a man of faith in my life.”

How humbled can a 19-year-old boy be after realizing the influence he wields in others' lives? I assure you he is very humbled. And very grateful. The nice things said after that, as the bishop finished and after the meeting, in all their sincerity, remained anti-climactic to those few moments earlier in the bishop’s remarks. Oh, what a challenge and a responsibility that meeting made me realize were to be mine! If met fully they were responsibilities to be shouldered only by a man, not a boy, and that a man of God.

My father and my brother Jerry offered the opening and closing prayers for the meeting.

Two days later, on Tuesday evening, August 27, 1968, I went alone to the home of President David G. Hurren, a counselor in our stake presidency and a friend and neighbor. President Hurren conferred the Melchizedek Priesthood on me and ordained me an elder. To this day I do not understand why my parents were not with me, or why I had not asked my father to ordain me. I think I had misunderstood what our stake president, Joseph R. Ison, had told me when he interviewed me. He probably said the ordination had to occur under the direction of the stake presidency, and I somehow thought it had to be done by a member of the stake presidency.

Anyway, after a month of hasty and excited preparations, I entered the Salt Lake Missionary Home to begin two quick years that I would later describe as “the happiest and saddest days of my life.”